Is it that hard? I don’t get it! I always make the move first because I don’t want u to feel upset or what. It’s killing me to see u this way. But this time, I chose not to make the move first. I didn’t know for u to make the first move is so hard. What does this means? It’s really hurting. Beside u for so long, gave u chance to make the first move, but u didn’t. :( I seriously don’t know what is stopping u.
I’m so damn hell bloody hurt to treat u this way. But all I have to do is to control myself. I know I shouldn’t give in this time. But….
So many things is happening now. And none of them are good once. I want to tell u everything, but I can’t. Maybe it’s a good time for u to study and prepare for ur exams.
Happy 9th month anniversary baby!
Not been good this few days. I might be too over sensitive but this is really how I feel. You might be too tired as well. I can understand.
Hope there will be more anniversaries! I love you! :)
Same thing happen. I’ve no idea how long it gonna last. I’m seriously trying my best not to fight bk, but I really don’t feel good. I want to talk things out with you. But all you will say is… U treat everybody like that.
I always tot that I can keep and ren all ur temper. But I know, I couldn’t do it anymore. I find it hard to do it. It hurt me even more. All I want was u using a nicer tone. That’s all.
:(
You dont know, you really dont know how much i’ve been swallowing down all this while. taking in and accepting everything about you. esp ur temper. Trying to make u happier so that you will talk to me. but when I know I cant do much, I will just stop. As and when you dont wanna talk to me i will just keep quiet and wait for you to talk. after awhile when you are fine, you come and talk to me. of cos I’m happy but what you treat me as. Yes, I wanna be angry with you. when you are happy you just come talk to me and when you are not u just ignore me and give me face. All this while I’m sure I’m pretty much easy to please. I always tell you, “A hug is good enough for me”. That’s easy right? Why I always can make you happy and I get nth in return. Not like i want a house or a car in return, not like I want you to spend money on me etc. But seriously, action is enough. when you are unhappy be it is my fault or ur fault, its me giving in and say sorry to you. I dont like hard approach, I’m sure by now you should know about it. Every time get scolding from you, I choose not to reply. I choose to let you scold and say me if that really make u feel better. I seriously dont know what will happen if I say back. And I really dont know what I’m doing is correct or not. I dont say doesnt mean that I accept the mistake that i’ve made. I keep quiet not because you are right, I kept quiet because I dont wanna fight back, and I’m sure you will insist that you are right. So.. no point. I swear you are the only person who I dont fight back. And why? Because you are so important till I dont want to see you unhappy. fighting back will only make you more pissed, Now, I see a problem. Giving in too much its not a good thing, being too nice is a wrong thing to do.
All this while I know that ur friends is more important. I NEVER EVER once said that you cant go out with ur friends. Now your friends last min wanna catch a movie, I’m fine with that too. Just that I dont like it when you already know that we are meeting and yet u still go for movie. And worst come to worst, you already know the timing to meet. Not like I dont allow you to spend time with them. if timing is not set yet, i’m fine. You can watch, but now the timing is already set and yet u still agree to go with them. In the end, you still chose to watch with them. And I’m seriously fine with it. And ya, i’m very unhappy. I know i showed it to you. But you shouldnt have said “than we dont meet”. Do you know how hurtful is it? not even a sorry, not even anything. just “than we dont meet”. Am I that hard to please? AM I? Why must I always the one who need to bring myself down and try not to throw temper on you? why? I will try hard to keep myself cool at all time. Been so long, going 9 months. I always make sure after/during a quarrel I will talk to you normally like how we always do. Making you smile, “hong” you, etc. Trying to make you feel that i’m not a person in ur life who will make you piss or sad. And I always try not to be a burden.
I’m fighting, Changing, Trying, accepting. Fighting to continue to make this relationship last, Changing my attitude, Trying to make you feel happy, accepting the way you treat me. What about you? I know you are trying too. but……. :(
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